Yes Kids.

Hi guys. How's your April? 

Guess what? It's gone, that's how it is. Whooosh... like that. April is o-v-e-r. Not sure what the heck is going on in 2014, but time seems to be moving at warp speed. Ba Bam, It's May. Well, it is May tomorrow, but close enough.. Here's what I have for you on this final day of April... 

We're raising YES KIDS by saying, "yes, kids." To everything. 

Many of you may completely disagree with me on this. That is totally fine. It is solely my opinion and yours may be different. To each his own on the matter. Like always, I am writing the thoughts in my head. I'm very sure they do not please everyone, and that is not my goal. 

I want to put my spin on a message that my family and I heard at Church this past Sunday... And I think it was a 'message from God' that our 13 year old 'smarty pants' twins sat with us in Big Church instead of their class. Here's why..

Amongst many awesome messages on Sunday, the one that really hit home (at least to me) is the importance of letting your children hear the word 'no' every now and then. How society today... Authority figures are so focused on making the next generation HAPPY, that we lose sight of making them READY. We don't want to HURT their feelings. We don't want them to experience FAILURE. We are far more focused on their HAPPINESS today instead of their READINESS for tomorrow.

This is not awful, I know. I mean, we do want happy kids! We love them so much! But, there is a fine line here.. We are not letting them feel failure of any sort. We never let them lose, we jump in to save them from any consequence at all, and we reward them for doing nothing, really. Is this reality friends? Is this helping them?

In sports at an early age, everyone gets a trophy. Heck, they don't even keep score. WHAT?! Can someone explain this to me? There are always winners and losers. And either way, you guys, it is OKAY. You don't have to win every time. You want to strive to win, but let's face it, it ain't always going to work out that way. And check it.. It is okay to lose sometimes. Believe me, I am a HORRIBLE loser. The worst. I hate it. Therefore, I hate it when my child loses. But, it teaches them such a valuable lesson. HOW to lose. And how to act when you do. I learned it. You learned it. And it built you up. Made you stronger. Try harder. And love it even more when you work hard and see results. Like that trophy. That you EARNED.

Teachers can't use red ink on papers. WHAT?! Because they don't want to hurt a child's feelings. UHHHHH.... At some point in their life they are going to have to realize that mistakes are normal. Human. Expected. And then, get this, they will LEARN how to overcome it. Fix it. Do better next time. 

We are so worried about our child's HAPPINESS that we say yes to everything. We've got a bunch of yes kids running around. We want them to be happy. We want them to have what they want so they will be satisfied. Guess what? They will be happy for about 25 minutes.. And then they will want more. They will not be satisfied. There's always something else. Because it is given to them, they did not earn it, it is really no big deal and they know they can get more if they throw a big enough fit. 

Have you ever said "no" to your child and it is the absolute end of the world? You say something like, "No, sweetheart, you can't have a third popsicle. Or an iPhone 5C. Because you are 5 years old." "They are all like:

It's quite possible that we do not say 'no' nearly enough.

WIthin this message there were three main challenges that our generation faces:

1) We RISK too little. 

2) We RESCUE too quickly.

3) We REWARD too frequently.

Let me tell you, I thought our Pastor was talking directly to me. We don't let our children risk anything. "No way can you cross that street." "You could get hurt." "No way can you stand at the bus stop with 13 other kids." "You could get spoken to rudely." "No way can you ride the bus." "You might hear a bad word." No risk. Think back to our childhood.. We went outside to play and our parents didn't want to hear from us until dark. We grew up responsible. We grew up creative. We grew up with drive. MOST kids these days who turn 16 do NOT EVEN WANT to drive a car. It's far too risky.... We risk too little.

When we finally open our bubble just a hair and let them do something.. If it even looks like there is a chance of failure.... We swoop in and take matters into our own hands. We come to their rescue so they will not have to feel failure. College graduates now do not want to go on job interviews. For fear of not getting the job. "What if I don't get it?" "I'd rather not try if I don't know for absolute sure that I will get it." They've never experienced failure. We rescue them from it far too quickly.

We reward too frequently. Listen, I reward all of the time. I'm the world's worst. To our twins, "Girls! You didn't throw the hairbrush at each other this morning, let's go buy you those "jandals" you've been wanting."  To our 7 year old, "Honey! You put on your own shoes today! Let's get yogurt!" To our 5 year old son, "If you will just get out of the car please, I will buy you a skylander." See? UGH! I'm awful!! Will they ever have drive to do anything?? we reward to frequently. (and for nothing)! 

So here's the deal, we say yes because we want them to be happy. That's not being a bad parent.. Intentions are loving and good. But we ARE doing them a disservice. We are robbing them of feeling things. We are NOT preparing them for the world ahead, people. Face it, we are NOT. 

We certainly don't need to say NO all of the time. I mean, we have to live with each other. (You can only take so much eye rolling). It is much more fun to see a big huge smile! But we can take a step back and realize what we are really working toward: preparing them for tomorrow. Helping them become generous, compassionate, and righteous adults. Help them understand that you get out of things exactly what you put into them. Help them appreciate things. 

That smile will still be there, and you have helped them get to it by letting them find it on their own. Instead of leading them to it and putting it in their hand. It's hard. I'm guilty of having Yes Kids. But I'm trying to do better. 

We need to worry less about TODAY's happiness and more about TOMORROW's readiness.  Makes sense doesn't it? Go have a fantastic last day of April. MUAH!